To love another would be self-destructive because loss, and the searing pain of loss, was inevitable. To love another as deeply as she did her husband (and she would settle for nothing less) meant that her love for her husband had been in some way insufficient or flawed. To love another was to betray her dead husband it felt to her like pounding the final nails in her husband's coffin. I soon learned that love felt treasonous to her. But dedicating myself to identifying and uprooting her many blocks to loving? I could do that. It felt daunting to address the inability to love. I remember a young widow with, as she put it, a "failed heart"-an inability ever to love again. The rest would follow automatically, fueled by the self-actualizing forces within the patient. No, what I had to do was to identify and remove obstacles. I did not have to do the entire job I did not have to inspirit the patient with the desire to grow, with curiosity, will, zest for life, caring, loyalty, or any of the myriad of characteristics that make us fully human. "Just as an acorn develops into an oak." What a wonderfully liberating and clarifying image! It forever changed my approach to psychotherapy by offering me a new vision of my work: My task was to remove obstacles blocking my patient's path. If obstacles are removed, Horney believed, the individual will develop into a mature, fully realized adult, just as an acorn will develop into an oak tree. And the single most useful concept in that book was the notion that the human being has an inbuilt propensity toward self-realization.
Remove the Obstacles to Growth When I was finding my way as a young psychotherapy student, the most useful book I read was Karen Horney's Neurosis and Human Growth. The first three chapters are reproduced here. *(Almost) never make decisions for the patientĪ book aimed at enriching the therapeutic process for a new generation of patients and counsellors, Yalom's Gift of Therapy is an entertaining, informative, and insightful read for anyone with an interest in the subject.The Gift of Therapy has 85 short chapters, each offering a suggestion or tip for therapy. The bestselling author of Love's Executioner shares his uniquely fresh approach and the valuable insights he has gained-presented as eighty-five personal and provocative 'tips for beginner therapists', including: Yalom's more than thirty-five years in clinical practice, The Gift of Therapy is a remarkable and essential guidebook that illustrates through real case studies how patients and therapists alike can get the most out of therapy. The culmination of master psychiatrist Dr. Yalom distills thirty-five years of psychotherapy wisdom into one brilliant volume. Acclaimed author and renowned psychiatrist Irvin D.
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